Epic failure once again....

So today had been complete and utter shit. Suffice to say I fucked up and broke my fast. God I only lasted 3 and a half days! How pathetic is that. I can't go four days without having to stuff food in my mouth. Urghhhh I'm so annoyed with myself. I was doing so good but I had to fuck it up. I wasn't even hungry for christ sake. Why oh why did I have to eat!!!!!! The only good thing I can see that has come from this is that my family saw me eat so they wont bother me if I don't eat for the next two days. After that I'm moving into halls, which means no bingeable food in the house or for that matter any food in the house, so it should be easy to fast!

So this is how my day went. I woke up pretty early and went down town and picked up some bits and pieces I had put on order. I went to lunch with a friend and managed to only order an ice water. All was going good. I came home and started some of my packing. At about 3 I wandered into the kitchen. God, why did I do that? Nothing good can come from the kitchen. So I opened the fridge and that fucking fudge cake was staring at me. I dont know what possessed me to do it but I took the plate out of the fridge and got a fork. A voice inside my head was telling me 'Don't do it. You'll regret it as soon as you do. You always do." I knew it was right but I couldn't stop myself. I practically inhaled that piece of cake. Then magpie like I delved back into the fridge looking for more to eat. I came out with a twix. Ate that in about four bites. It was like my hands had a mind of their own, almost as if they had been temporarily disconnected from my brain. After that I searched for more. I wasn't even hungry anymore but I still didn't stop. I ripped open a packet of quorn fajita strips and ate them cold. I barely stopped to chew, just shoving them in my mouth one after the other. After that my stomach felt like it was about to explode and I couldn't eat anymore. I shoved the incriminating packets and wrappers into the bin and went to my room, disgusted with myself.

At dinner time I ate spinach and ricotta cannelloni. I thought I've already fucked it up today, I might as well eat dinner and stop people asking me why I wasn't eating. Afterwords I went online to calculate my calories for the day.

Piece of chocolate fudge cake - 142
Twix -284
Quorn fajita strips - 138
Spinach and ricotta cannelloni - 516
Total - 1080

Fuck. I can't believe I ate so many calories in one day! Plus 284 calories in one twix. WTF!!!! That's put me off ever eating a chocolate bar again. I never knew they had that many calories. That's like a whole fucking meals worth!!

I don't really know how to end this post, so let me just say thank you to everyone who has commented so far. It's nice to know I'm not alone :)


Laura said...

I'm really sorry to hear you didn't manage to keep up your fast :(
Last time I tried, I failed after two days and the result was me hanging over the toilet seat with the trusty toothbrush :/

But I've done a ten-day fast before, so I know what the 3/4 day period is like. Day 4 I sat and cried 'cause my mam had left a single slice of pizza and heaven only knows how much I wanted it. Remember, you're not alone :)

Steph said...

3 and a half days is longer than I've ever gone, so I think it's a pretty good accomplishment! I'm sorry about the binging ): I've been there where my hands grab everything and my brain shuts off until later when I hate myself for it, it sucks. Good luck with the other fast/s though (:

Jem said...

3 and a 1/2 days is nothing to be ashamed about. good job !!! im so proud of you. hopefully that massive amount of food like shocked your system and will come out soon lol. i had a binge this past weekend and my body wasnt used to so much food, i lost a ton of weight in 3 days. good luck!

throughraindrops said...

aw hun over 3 days is definetly something to be proud of you rock!

but at some the body wins makes the mind give in and eat its best to have safe foods on hand for that moment and to try not to have the well just fuck it ive failed now i might as well do an epic fail mentality

quorn strips cold i do believe i once ate quorn chicken style pieces when then were still frozen! lol


Gem said...

I totally went crazy yesterday as well and ended up over 1000cals. Can only start from scratch again today and try to be strong.

Good luck, stay out of the kitchen!


Anonymous said...

We fall down. We get up.

And, by the way, 1080 really isn't so bad.

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